FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize