i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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