dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
