First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
