Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
