Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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