is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
zippers are such a cool invention
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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