I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
