smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
