I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I bet he comes in French.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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