i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
