This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
