my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
