so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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