This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
