My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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