No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
