so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
