if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize