We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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