is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize