Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Brb crying the tears of my youth
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
