Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
