you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
