it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
