She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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