she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize