Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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