You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
