Where did you get a picture of my penis
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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