Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
