Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
