I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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