Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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