I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He had one of those small greek statue penises
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
