I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
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