i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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