I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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