After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
