i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
