its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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