I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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