Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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