the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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