I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
