whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
