If i come over, it means nothing
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
