I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
