I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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