I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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