whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
