Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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