I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you didnt know i had herpes?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
