he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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