oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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