guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
