all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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