His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize