party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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