guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
