Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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