Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
