He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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